X marks the spot. When I was thirteen I was in love. I believed that this was my great love. With all my being I had to be with him. I had to breathe his air. Taste his taste. Without him I truly believed that I would die. Now sixteen years later I'm still breathing. Not his air. Tasting, but not his taste. But, I still remember the longing. The way my heart yearned in that youthful way, and I have a small reminder. A small X on my left ankle, where he cut me. Quite literally with a razor blade. So he could taste my taste.
My grandma, Ita, called me Prieta. She called me this because my skin is toasted brown. When I was born my mom says I was light skinned, but she knew “que iba ser morena” because the inside of my little baby thighs were already darker than the rest of me. In the sun, I turn a darker brown. I get even more Prieta. It was a term of endearment. My sister, who has a light complexion, was called guera or guerinchi. When I tell people who don’t speak Spanish what Prieta means, dark or the dark one, their eyes open wide and a small gasp escapes. I see the offense they feel for me sprinkled on their faces like the freckles I will never have. When I try to explain, the offense still shadows their eyes. That is the problem with Spanish. Wait, maybe, that is their problem with Spanish. Even when I explain, they are suspicious. Their faces ask, “Is this true?” as if I am setting them up for a joke. But how can I explain the cultural and literal meaning of a word at the same time? ...
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