I had a dream last night where I stood in the center of a tornado. And although it sounds chaotic because I was in the middle there was the calmness of being in the eye. I could see things, random objects, a tree, a red truck, birds, swirling around me floating and I wanted to reach out touch the quickly spinning air because it seemed like a wall. A moving living wall. Instead of feeling a panic, I felt the same calmness of the eye. Calmness and a curiosity. I stood right arm outstretched fingers seconds away from the swirling air, then I woke up.
My grandma, Ita, called me Prieta. She called me this because my skin is toasted brown. When I was born my mom says I was light skinned, but she knew “que iba ser morena” because the inside of my little baby thighs were already darker than the rest of me. In the sun, I turn a darker brown. I get even more Prieta. It was a term of endearment. My sister, who has a light complexion, was called guera or guerinchi. When I tell people who don’t speak Spanish what Prieta means, dark or the dark one, their eyes open wide and a small gasp escapes. I see the offense they feel for me sprinkled on their faces like the freckles I will never have. When I try to explain, the offense still shadows their eyes. That is the problem with Spanish. Wait, maybe, that is their problem with Spanish. Even when I explain, they are suspicious. Their faces ask, “Is this true?” as if I am setting them up for a joke. But how can I explain the cultural and literal meaning of a word at the same time? ...
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