i woke. i didn't know why, but grew conscious in the change of my breathing, a change that had not yet occurred in the blurry figure next to me. i blinked, listened to the even sound of his breath, in and out, in and out, a light snore punctuating the end of each exhale. i didn't want to move. if i moved the moment would be over. what this moment was I wasn't sure, but i drank in the details. the curling hair on the nape of his neck, the small brown mole on his ear, the texture of his skin, taunt. his back moved with each inhale naked against me. my arm twitched, wanting to move, but i breathed in deeply and refrained. my breath louder to me now that it moved at a quicker pace, echoing in the brightly sunlit room. even in my stillness something was noted by him though, and he began to shift. don' turn, not just yet. i wound my arm around him, my hand against the warmth of his stomach, his back pressed against my breasts. he pulled at my hand with his, we were looped, my arm stiffened, hesitant, then relaxed. breathe.
My grandma, Ita, called me Prieta. She called me this because my skin is toasted brown. When I was born my mom says I was light skinned, but she knew “que iba ser morena” because the inside of my little baby thighs were already darker than the rest of me. In the sun, I turn a darker brown. I get even more Prieta. It was a term of endearment. My sister, who has a light complexion, was called guera or guerinchi. When I tell people who don’t speak Spanish what Prieta means, dark or the dark one, their eyes open wide and a small gasp escapes. I see the offense they feel for me sprinkled on their faces like the freckles I will never have. When I try to explain, the offense still shadows their eyes. That is the problem with Spanish. Wait, maybe, that is their problem with Spanish. Even when I explain, they are suspicious. Their faces ask, “Is this true?” as if I am setting them up for a joke. But how can I explain the cultural and literal meaning of a word at the same time? ...
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