And then. . .

This morning I saw a video titled "If We Treated Teachers Like Football Stars," of course I watched it and laughed. "If only" were my thoughts. Later at school I was talking with a friend and he asked, "You really want to teach, don't you?" and I nodded. Yes, I really do want to teach. Never ever ever ever did I think I'd want to be a teacher. I left my last life because it didn't have any meaning. I felt as if I wasn't doing anything important. Now, although some days are rough, I do feel as if I'm making a difference. Now, I can go on and talk about why I'm being selfless and improving students lives, but that would be a lie. Not a complete lie, but a little white one. I don't help all students. That's not because I don't want it, it's because they don't want it. They sit there the whole semester with a bored and or smelling shit face, and I can't do anything about it. Instead of griping with other facult...

I want to tell you that before ever visiting you, I misjudged you. I misjudged all the things about you, and this year when I visited you again, I was still surprised. Even though I get annoyed when I see El Paso  misportrayed in movies, I still thought that perhaps Hollywood had the right idea about you. Now, I know that you are greener and richer than I could ever imagine. That while I'm there, I keep thinking, "How will I remember all of this vividly, in technicolor?" Colombia, I love the endless green and the trees, your mountains, and roads that wrap around them like loose yards of ribbon. I love the vendors selling brightly colored fruits I'd never seen before, hotdogs sprinkled with potato chip slivers, hamburgers filled with so many things the buns are two distant cousins, golden brown empanadas stuffed with meat and potato goodness, aguacates the size of dinosaur eggs... all sprinkled on corners and sidewalks all around Medellín.  I also love the way these ...

This is a question that I'm not only being asked but a question I'm asking myself, and it's beginning to cause me a bit of anxiety. " What are you going to write next? " is causing my leg to rock back and forth more than " What have you published? " Mostly because the latter is asked by people who don't know a lot about writing. They don't know things take time. They don't understand being a writer. They only know books that are on the best sellers list. (Nothing against a best seller. Hell, I want a best seller!) They only read (whisper) genre  fiction. " What are you going to write next? " though, well that is a question. The other day I was having a conversation with D: "What if now that I have time to write, I don't have anything to say?" I asked. "You always have things to say," he replied shaking his head. I paused, "Wait, are you just saying that 'cause I talk a lot?" "...

1. I need time to write. 2. My students don't read and would rather ask me questions. 3. I am a high energy person, but with so much on my plate I became a slug with little patience. 4. Even when I think I'm dropping multiple balls or not getting it done, people can't tell and/or it's still more effort than most. 5. I need time to write. 6. I remember things about psychology that I thought I had forgotten. 7. I relearned American History as I taught a French golf student athlete about it. 8. I don't like grading papers. 9. I like helping people. Motivating. I hope inspiring. 10. I need time to write. 11. I have to learn to say, "NO!" 12. My husband is a patient man. 13. I miss my friends. 14. All work and no play makes Yasmin a dull girl. 15. I need time to write. 16. I need time to read. 17. I cannot control everything, but it doesn't stop me from trying. 18. Sometimes the only person I should worry about is me and say "Fuck it...

1. I don't like ketchup or mayo. When I see people's food drowned in either, I shudder and remember an old episode from School House Rock with a song "don't drown your food!" 2. I'm impatient. Many people don't notice, but the people who know me feel the moment when I want to yell, "Get to the point!" 3. My favorite vegetable is Brussels sprouts. They are tiny cabbages of goodness. 4. I've been told I have high expectations of myself. This backfires on me because I expect the same from others. If I can do  it, why can't you? 5. My favorite color is cobalt blue. It's dark but bright at the same time. 6. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends and family and will do anything to help, support, etc. 7. Fighting has always been easier for me. I think it's the temper I inherited from my mother. 8. My closet is organized from light to dark within each color. Years of retails has left unable to just hang anything anywhere. 9....

Last night I found out my paternal grandmother died through a text from my mom. It was 9:59pm. I read the screen, paused, put the phone down, and turned to get comfortable in my bed. I woke up this morning, reread the text and still had no answer. I knew I was supposed to say something. I put the phone down again and got into a hot shower. I text my sister while riding the elevator to the 2nd floor. "Did mom text you?" "Yeah, I tried to get her to focus on how [Name] must be feeling. She was still his mom." "I didn't respond. I felt like she wanted me to say something." "Well... I mean, you would feel bad for a stranger losing their mom, its the same thing with [Name]. I feel bad for anyone who loses there parents, but she was 87. So it was good run." "I mean I feel bad. My first thought was "that sucks" then I thought I should feel worse or something. 87 is a good run." "Why should you feel anything e...

Last week a friend's sister died suddenly. He was flying home the next day to say good-bye. His good-bye's were instead said to us sitting on a balcony with fall winds creeping all around. His words although beautiful did not warm us, but only made us feel his cold loss as if we too had lost a sister that night. "Somos familia. Somos un circulo," he said gesturing with his Modelo. We nodded as the somber night shifted, and we laughed as if nothing had happened. Only in moments did we remember. When there was a lull and someone quickly moved to break the silence. His girlfriend, sat stoically, face smooth as she took drags off her cigarette, but her eyes gave her heart away. The next day one of the circle posted this on Facebook: " Ayer fue un día muy triste y muy dulce. Partió de este mundo la hermana de alguien a quien mucho amamos. Entonces hicimos lo que se debe hacer en esos momentos, los seis que somos nos sentamos a charlar, reír, llorar, brindar p...