Friday, May 24, 2013

The Thing About Blogs, Beginnings, Middles, and Ending All at the Same Time

I have not written in this space since March when I was bleeding words and had to hold whatever was left in reserve. I'm not sure if I have words now, but my hands so used to flicking at keys demanded I write something.

In the background the TV hums, Salome the cat dozes, Drew the cat bathes, and Sami the dog sleeps. Today they all smell of aloe and their fur is soft from their turn in a tub filled with warm water. I sit on my white leather couch in a soft blue cotton gown, typing and smelling of cucumber from my turn in the shower.

Many things have happened in the past few months, more than even I think I realize. I am no longer a student, but a master. I keep waiting for my light saber to be delivered. My home has become a cozy family of 6. (I forgot to mention Federico the fish swims, earlier.) I lost some things: baggage, friends, Luna the dog, fear, and my mind for a bit. I found some things: comfort, closure, friends, and my mind. (I left it in the closet).

One thing I am realizing, learning still, is that everything in life has it's own speed. Right now I am in the beginning, middle and end of many things. I finished my thesis. I am thinking of others pieces which need to be written to make it really complete. I began my first book read purely for pleasure three nights ago, while others I should have finished, sit on the same nightstand bookmarked at various stages of the middle and end. I am in the beginning of a marriage, but past the beginning of that very same relationship. I am learning to let go of people I have out grown. But, learning to cherish the differences others bring to my life, like tiny support beams you didn't know were there until walls you thought would crumble, didn't. I am learning to be selfish with myself, learning to say no, while still being selfless with the people I love. I am at the end of one job, and not yet at the beginning of another. I am in limbo, yet feel more anchored then I have before. I am in an ellipses...

...and I am learning ellipses cannot be rushed. They are used to trail off until the next beginning, middle and end happens.