Monday, August 29, 2011

Cherry Chap Stick


The kisses were sticky and tasted like cherry Chap Stick and mint. His lips were wet and the kissing noises sounded loud in her ears, but she kept kissing back, his moist tongue darting in and out of her mouth.  In the living room she could hear her friends watching MTV, the volume loud and muffling the giggles she knew were being giggled. She would have to face them after. 
She felt the hard pressure of his center being pressed against hers and his hand grabbing her right breast through her Radiohead t-shirt. In Utero was playing in the background, but it sounded distant as if it were also in another room. She kept thinking about anything other than the boy between her legs and his heavy breathing as he pushed against her. She didn’t quite get it, him pushing against her crotch didn’t feel good, but each time he breathed a little heavier and made little noises that sounded foreign to her, so she breathed a little harder too.

Earlier that day she had spoken to him on the phone while she twisted the coiled cord around her finger binding her to him further.
“Yeah, then take a left. My house will be on the corner. No, she won’t be home. She’s working. Yeah she usually works a lot so she’s hardly home. My dad? No, I don’t have one,” she laughed, “No, you don’t have to worry about any dad trying to kill you, he’s not around.”
She looked at the picture on her dresser it was of the family. Her mom and dad sat each side of her on the old brown couch while her seven year old self opened a Christmas present. She was smiling. That had been six years ago.
“Ok, I’ll see you in a bit.”

She snapped back to the moment when she felt his clammy palm against her naked skin, as his hand crept up and underneath her shirt, her bra. He moaned again against her lips, so she moaned back as he pinched her nipple painfully. He shifted his weight and for a second she thought that they were done, but then he simply reached underneath her to unclasp her bra. He fumbled awkwardly until she mumbled, “I’ll do it,” against his lips. As soon as it was unsnapped he rolled her back onto her back and this time grabbed at her more freely. She could feel a warmth beginning between her legs and thought that perhaps this is what he felt. Her fingers had stayed on his hips up until now. She pushed his t-shirt up slightly and felt her fingertips touch his hot skin. When she did he stopped kissing her long enough to leave a moist trail down her neck, skipped down to her stomach, where he pushed her shirt up and over her chest. She felt the coolness of the air conditioned air before his hot mouth clamped down on her nipple and he sucked. The heat between her legs increased and she lifted her pelvis against him. He stopped and sat back on his haunches and looked down at her. She cast her eyes downward. He took off his shirt and she looked back up at him as he tugged at hers.
“You know I love you, right?”
She simply looked at him and nodded. She saw his fingers move toward the button fly on her jeans. She looked back up at him and saw the bulge in his jeans. As he began to slide her jeans off she grabbed his hand and stopped him. He looked up surprised but then simply began to kiss her again. This time he laid on his side next to her, his hand now cradling her face.  She closed her eyes and kissed his wet kisses back.
He grabbed her hand and put it down his pants. He was hot and moist there as well. His hand was against her and her jeans were pushed, now crumpled into the base of the twin bed. She felt his fingers probing into her and the heat increased. Before she had time to think she pulled him on top of her again. This time she could feel his nakedness against her stomach and more of the urgency as the only barrier was her cotton bikinis. She needed to feel something, anything. His kisses were rougher more hurried. She kept her hands to her sides until he sat back again. This time she turned her head to the side and closed her eyes as she heard a snap, then felt the heat of his body against hers again.
“Hey, look at me.”
His hand was on her jaw now as he turned her face toward his. She opened her eyes and looked into his sleepy brown ones.
“It’ll be okay.”
He said kissing her again. She felt his other hand between them as he moved her underwear to the side, and the pressure of him pushing against her. He loved her, is what she thought. He was loving her. His face was buried in her neck now, and his breathing was heavy as she arched against him and moaned. He mistook it and pushed quickly into her and she whimpered. His breathing was haggard as he lifted and drove into her quickly.
“You feel so good baby.”
She bit her lip and stayed quiet as he moved. Nirvana was still playing and she turned her face again, saw her dresser, and closed her eyes. Seconds later he made a noise deep in his throat and stopped moving and lay still.     
“Are you okay baby? Did it feel good? It’ll feel better the more we do it. Do you love me? Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
“I love you baby. I’ll love you forever,” he said kissing her one more time.
He moved to the edge of the bed, and she heard another snap. She laid there for a few seconds before he got up. She felt a dull ache her crotch sticky. She looked down and realized she was naked, embarrassed, she grabbed for her t-shirt, and jeans. As she was getting dressed she saw him go toward her dresser.
“Is this you?” he asked laughing.
“Yeah.”
She reached for the frame in his hand, but he lifted it so she couldn’t reach.
“Give it,” she said suddenly close to tears.
He laughed again as he lifted the frame one more time.
“You were cute as kid,” he said looking at the picture.
She looked down at it and the photo blurred a little, she blinked, and grabbed it from his hand.
“You saying I’m not cute now?” she asked as she pressed her chapped lips against his.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

that thing, you know that thing...

this week i have a writing assignment, to write about a character who wants something, but in reality really wants something else. we've all been in this situation; unconsciously, consciously. it all comes down to that thing, you know that thing that we really want, but can't seem to get it, or once we do it's not really that great. that thing that we pined after, dreamt about, coveted, really isn't that great at all...we've all had this lesson at one time or another. i recently experienced it...but, what keeps our eyes on that one prize? what happens to our peripheral vision?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

as it comes to a close....

this summer has been filled to the brim with new experiences, new people, and lessons that i might not have learned otherwise....so without further ado... this is my summer in a recap in no particular order...


when new friendships are forged in a matter of minutes compared to others don't question it just go with it. it must be in the cards....


grand gestures are for movies only, and if you wait around for them, you might be waiting awhile


i need to travel want to travel more need to travel more


late night chats with friends keep your sanity


the guilt is not worth the fun


amores de lejos amores de pendejos


london stole my heart but i can forget paris


inadvertently i create crazyness around me...as explained to me recently, i can no longer state "it's not me!"


sometimes the best evenings are spent on a porch with a glass of wine, good company, and conversation 


dresses in the el paso summer are a must


i look like a halloween costume version of myself with long hair


tattoos don't hurt as much as i thought they would (i know it depends on the place)


being able to say whatever you want to the person you're involved with, without having to sensor is a must


this pains me a little... but i don't know as much music as i thought i did...ouch....


i miss my friend family....yes, that is all of you in my old home of dallas....


surrounding myself with the right people, and taking away all the negative nancys makes a world of difference


fate fate fate fate....i don't care what anyone says i have too many examples of trying to fight the things that fate has in store for you.... just go with it....it makes life simpler easier and more enjoyable...


over analyzing everything takes the fun out of it (i still have to catch myself) but going with the flow seems to be the way to go


having people believe in what you do...wow


meals that cost an arm but taste like heaven are much needed and best when shared with friends


i am not a waitress...but the good ones have all my respect in the world even more so now... i'm a retail girl


having someone spoil you when you aren't used to it... is strange and wonderful all at once...


green hotels are confusing...


i have a great sense of direction....that is no longer a secret


i have been told i am a good cook...shhhhh.....


its okay for people to see through the cracks sometimes...


and last but not least.....


when the craziness of this academic year is upon me and i am bogged down with things i can't even imagine right now, its this list and the people included here that will remind me not to lose my summer knowledge...



Wednesday, August 17, 2011

the simplicity of words

Words fall from lips 
         bounce off my deaf ears 
                   and onto the floor 
                         They repeat and create 
                                  smalls steps of 
                                            excuses from 
                                                        your mouth 
                                                               Which help 
                                                                       carry you 
                                                                            out the                                         
                                                                                  door
                                                                                       .
                                                                                        .
                                                                                         .

Monday, August 8, 2011

So There's This Band...

Humid air against my skin as more and more people trickle through the entrance. I stare at the door guy with envy as a continuous cool breeze musses his hair. I want to be his hair. I look out the tall windows of The Percolator, and I feel like a fish in a fishbowl of sticky people and perfume mingled with the sweet scent of sweat. Outside I see a group of people smoking, talking, watching, as a slew of instruments and sound equipment makes way between the guy with Buddy Holly glasses and giggling girls in ballet flats.  


Although I'm at the very back we talk, my friends and I, that we have secured the best location. There is an invisible line between the seated and the standing, our tall stools keep us at the same height of the standies, but much more comfortable and not sardined against the other moist people inside. I listen to the chatter as people walk by. 


"Is this seat taken?"         "I think its Johnny Costello then Mexicans at Night, then Jim Ward, I think..."
                        "Thanks for coming"                      "I'm gonna go smoke."     
                                                                                        "You know this thing doesn't start till 10 right?"
"Where yo man at?"                                         "Do you need anything?"
                                  "Do you need another beer?"                                                "Who was that again?"
   "It's so hot in here!"                    "I"m gonna get more wine."      "He's got a good voice right?
"Who is that again?"


A loud cacophony of voices intermingling into one another. The first band, Johnny Costello, has already played and like any intermission people brace themselves for the glide towards the line for another cold one to quench their thirst. People talk about their set and his voice. I hear the words soulful and bluesy used. I think of a warm blanket even in this heat. I see the Mexicans setting up, until a tall guy with a ponytail stands in front of me and blocks my view. So much for invisible lines. The music starts and I look at my friends to see them nodding their heads in unison. I look at the crowd and see tops of their heads and bodies shimming to beat of the song. Moist silhouettes dancing and moving to notes being strummed and drummed. 


"They're really good," my friend yells in my ear and I nod a yes, my head still moving with the beat. 


We stand on the rungs of our chairs to see over the crowd of bobbing people. The more people dance the hotter it gets in the room. The slicker my skin feels. The slicker the people around me look, but I still move,  they still move, and step and yell out "Otra! Orta!" when they play their last song. 


"Do you think they'll play another?"


I shrug my shoulders and try to see over the crowd. I see the drummer not just the top of his head now, but his face, as he talks to the bassist and gestures with the drumstick in his hand, the masked singer holding a pink guitar starts to move off stage. I look back over and shake my head. 


"Maybe next time."








   

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

forgetful hands...

What is it about human contact? The brush of a hand across your back... or the long arms of someone folding you in them as they pull you into their chest for a firm hug. It makes all the difference in the world and somehow you don't notice it until there isn't the touch or the brush of hands....sometimes without it you forget.

Monday, August 1, 2011

The End of Summer

Heat waves danced like snakes being charmed from the curvy sidewalk ahead of us. We walked along, two kids following a long chain link fence that kept us away from the shortcut to our left of our school’s crab grass soccer field. The cuffs of our jeans dragged on the pavement, as we talked about nothing in that painful awkward way that only happened when you were sixteen and everything you said was life or death cool.
“Let’s cut through the field,” he suddenly said.
“I can’t jump the fence,” I said as I looked down and tugged at the ends of hair curled around my ear.
“You can go under.”
We walked to a break in the fence and I stared at it for a moment, looked back at the 7-11 we had just come from and looked down to the tall building nestled in the nook of the Franklin mountains where I was supposed to be at summer school. I crouched down and shimmied under, trying hard not to get too dirty. He waited till I was almost on the other side, then hopped the fence with little effort, and held out his hand to help me up. I dusted off the dirt as nonchalantly as possible and continued to walk. We talked about summer school and he complained about having to be there. I lied and agreed knowing it wouldn’t be cool of he knew I was there to get ahead. Each word seemed vitally important and I second guessed them as they came out of my mouth.
Mid-way through the field the sprinklers turned on attempting to quench life into dehydrated desert crab grass. We laughed and started to run, and as we ran he shoved me towards a sprinkler. I pulled at his shirt and tugged him along with me. Instead of running away we ran back and forth scissoring through the sprinklers laughing and screaming as they sprayed us. We shoved and pushed at each other as kaleidoscopes of light danced along with us in the shower of the sprinklers, and watery rainbows haloed in the sunlight. By the end of it we were soaked and my new Vans were muddy, but I didn’t care. My jeans hung heavily like wet clothes hanging on the clothing line of my hips as we tried to walk to safety. I walked ahead of him towards the school when he grabbed my hand and pulled me to a halt.
As I turned the laughter died in my throat. His head blocked the sunlight and I stopped breathing as a darkened silhouette leaned down to me. His lips met mine. I felt his wet hair against my check and his hand on my neck as we stood still for a moment. The surge of shock and anticipation hit me in the stomach. What I wanted I didn’t know, but I didn’t want the watery kiss to end. As abruptly as it happened it ended. Water dripped from my hair into my eyes. I smiled at him held onto his hand, and pulled him towards the building.
“Come on!” I laughed.