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Showing posts from January, 2011


inside out. inside out. decisions of your life are judged and given a verdict by your peers often without even being asked. even when you try not to let it effect you, it chips. even when you try not to let it effect you, it chips. chips at the things you care for, your beliefs, you. your brick exterior gets wind blow erosion from the flow of their words, and even though you don't want it, chips.

if you don't want opinions you shouldn't tell the story. if you don't want opinions you shouldn't tell the story. words i have eaten as the flow of letters and phrases fell from my unsealed lips. lips that betray me again and again. lips that need to learn there is a time and place. learn there is time and place. learn that skin is not brick and the small chips show as doubt wants to cloud my eyes, but i fight. i fight the lips that betray me because they are mine and when they are not betraying me they are kissing, and caring, and comforting, and saving me from myself.

Work in Progress...

Channel 28 EmilyTV                It had been another night of drinking and partying with her friends. It was late and she and Derek sat in his mid-sized studio apartment. They sat on his black leather sofa and talked. She wasn’t sure how everyone had ended up leaving. She reached for another cigarette before putting out the one already to the nub in her hand then eyed the small mound of powder still on the coffee table. Usually everyone stayed till it was gone. Derek kept twirling his drink in his hand making the ice dance in the honey colored glass and talking to her. She nodded and made appropriate interested sounds, but if Derek had played closer attention he would have seen that Emily was not really quite there. She seemed to be looking everywhere else but his face. If had taken the time to look in the mirror and notice his drawn clammy face he wouldn’t have been trying so hard to finally bag Emily. Emily always thought Derek was cute when they started the night out. With his dirt…

the signs they're everywhere...

gazing up into the inky black of night and the tiny pinholes of light that break through is one of my favorite things to do. simply lying back preferably against the soft cushion of green grass and staring, breathing, the only thing that i can hear is my own heartbeat in rhythm with the soft inhalation and exhalation of my breath. i gaze and draw imaginary lines between them creating my own constellations, that i name simple names such as tree, and heart, and starfish. tomorrow i won't remember where they are and i'll have to start all over again, but for today tree, heart, and starfish are mine. 
there is more to these pinholes of light. they are too cosmic and mysterious for them to simply just be. 
there is something about this moment i love so much. this moment that i allow my mind to wonder with thoughts that change as quickly as my gaze shifts from star to star. and as i look at them and try to decipher the message i believe they are trying to give me i see the signs. the …

Morning Light

I woke this morning

Light caressing me

The sun had strewn its gold across with infinite clarity.

Slowly, gliding over me, touching me so lightly.
Hands full of gentle heat holding me possessively.

Tangled sheets and naked skin take on a golden flush.

Slowly coming alive awakening in the heats increasing touch.

Tender heat increasing all but left consuming,

Radiating around me intense warmth completely filling.

Just a Moment

The hallway was dimly lit from the lights placed outside each apartment door. I glanced to the right at the cement staircase and its black ornate handrail. I had been climbing these stairs on fairly regular basis recently. I was standing outside the wooden doorway with my back again the cold bricks waiting for him to lock the door. It had been a few months since this thing had started. I called it a thing still because I wasn't sure exactly what it was, and to call it anything else seemed to make it too real. 

      I stared at the silhouetted curve of his neck and wanted to reach out, but I was too afraid. I couldn't make his face out as he fumbled with the keys and numerous locks, but I had already learned the set of his mouth and knew what expression he was making. I glanced back down to the mica glittered floor and breathed the cold air in deeply only to feel his lips against mine. They pressed gently against mine and my breath caught in my throat. He pressed me against the…

a toast for the douche bags...

this is my first blog of the new year. typically, i've always dreaded new year's eve. today, i dreaded new year's eve. something about the day makes my skin crawl. i have this image of over-exaggerated smiles pasted on fuzzy drunken faces, loud laughing girls who wear too much make-up, and the drunken souls wandering around the sloppy masses hoping to find a  person to share a midnight kiss with.

somewhere along the line new year's eve became associated with these images in my head. how? i'm not quite sure. and although today didn't quite work out the way it was planned i had probably one of the most pleasant new year's i've had in quite awhile. tonight was a good night. a good night filled with witty jabs and laughter, spilled drinks, and dirty jokes about holes. there was a contained rambunctious ambiance to the night. laughs were had and drinks were drank. of course there were additional people that i wished i could have shared the evening with, but …