Skip to main content

"i'm supposed to"

responsibility, obligations, commitment, the list can go on. these words seem to be plaguing me recently. it reminds of the time when i used the term "supposed to". that was my answer when ever someone asked why i was doing something, "because i'm supposed to", but that only led me down a path that was filled with living my life for other people. is that right? is that okay? to live your life for the people around you? to owe them your life? i'm not sure, i don't know, perhaps for some people it's their path to follow, it's their happiness, but still...


 i can look now and see the people that filled my position in those other peoples lives and i sigh, i sigh a great sigh of relief from the depths of my toes, because they saved me. that sigh is the only breathy thanks i can give without waking them from their obligated slumber. inadvertently, the tiny burst of courage that was given to me gave me the ability to move so that someone else, someone more malleable than me could take my vacated seat. 


 thank you courage. thank you malleable person for having the lack of passion for life to be there. to be there with the two kids and the loveless broken marriage. to be the daughter living only to make her parents proud. to be the corporate drone that questions nothing and performs every task with out a question. 


a million sighs to thank you for keeping me from being you. i have to believe that life consists of passion and zeal and optimism, and, and, and... even though these things end. a minute of passion is worth a lifetime of obligation. sigh.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

¿Y la Prieta?

My grandma, Ita, called me Prieta. She called me this because my skin is toasted brown. When I was born my mom says I was light skinned, but she knew “que iba ser morena” because the inside of my little baby thighs were already darker than the rest of me. In the sun, I turn a darker brown. I get even more Prieta. It was a term of endearment. My sister, who has a light complexion, was called guera or guerinchi. When I tell people who don’t speak Spanish what Prieta means, dark or the dark one, their eyes open wide and a small gasp escapes. I see the offense they feel for me sprinkled on their faces like the freckles I will never have. When I try to explain, the offense still shadows their eyes. That is the problem with Spanish. Wait, maybe, that is their problem with Spanish. Even when I explain, they are suspicious. Their faces ask, “Is this true?” as if I am setting them up for a joke. But how can I explain the cultural and literal meaning of a word at the same time?
3 comments
Read more

Birthday Blog: 32 Things I've Learned So Far

1. Priorities change as you get older. 2. Family is important and although I tell myself not to take them for granted I sometimes still do, but what's important is I try. 3. Make plans, lots of plans all the time to give yourself something to laugh about later. 4. One good drink is better than ten bad ones. 5. Beer can be good. Bud Light is not one of those beers. Ever. 6.  BFF's are the ones that change/grow with you. Not every person who was a BFF will stay one. That's okay too; you were in each others lives when you needed to be. 7. Smart beats hot. Every time. 8. Being around negative people is like licking a sick person's hand. It's contagious. Stay away. 9. Patience. Patience. Patience. (I'm still learning that one). 10. Life can continue without that MarcKheil'sChanelSevenChantelleDior thing. It can. Really. 11. If you can't have a conversation. Take the hint. 12. It's okay to cry. A lot. 13. Music. Music that you love that you fee
2 comments
Read more

Los Dichos

No hay mal que por bien no venga. Tanto quiere el diablo a su hijo que hasta un ojo le quiere sacar. Mejor sola que mal acompa ñ ada. Tanto pedo para cagar aguado. Lo barato sale caro. Más seguro más amarrado. Para buen entendido muy pocas palabras. Para cada roto un descocido. Hijo pepe mariquita! Para pendeja no se estudia. Limosnero con garrote. Soy como Orozco, cuando como no conozco. La zorra nunca ve su cola ni el zorrillo su fundillo. El muerto y el arrimado al los tres días huelen. Amores de lejos, amores de pendejos. Estaba haciendo chili con la cola. Me  da diarrea con gusanos. Enfermo que come y mea, y el diablo que se le crea. La esperanza es la última que muere. El flojo trabaja doble. De noche todos los gatos son pardos. Una cosa es Juan Domínguez y otra cosa es no la chingues. Es de Don Cuco, entra la bola no se supo. Primero me besa un ciego. Dime con quién andas y te diré quien eres. No porque te levantas más temprano
2 comments
Read more